models_hips

No school today.
Last final tomorrow.
I need to study tonight.
I AM PRAYING that I am granted the 10th street housing. It's like a block away from St. Marks Place, nigggggggg.
That would be fucking Ridiculous.
I'd have like 20 new tattoos by the end of first semester.

I'm crossing my fings

I'm so done.
Smoking pot officially sucks.
I had the worst possible night last night, and and just as bad of a day today.
Lack of Motivation at it's best.
Marijuana is officially on my bad side.
I need to get my act together.
FUCK.

Early yesterday, I finished up my homework but still didn't want to go out later that night.
I was up until 2 in the morning watching videos on ebaumsworld.com.

This morning I woke up at 9, listened to Abbey Road, then began cleaning my room.
The floor is spotless.
All of my shit is on my bed, including me.

Woe

Frustration has struck in the form of.. ok no.
I'm not going to try to sugar coat this with some creative bull shit.
My dad fucked up.

I mean, I hate to point the finger, but check this out:
I left my dad responsible for sending my housing deposit to SVA (I was in Bermuda).
After having not received anything since the assumed deposit's arrival, I called SVA to inquire about the status of my deposit...
THEY DIDN'T FUCKING GET IT.

Housing deposits were due a month ago but Michelle Yates, a department head at SVA, said it wouldn't be a problem if I sent it a week late. She said that the week they were due....

UHM, how's about a month fucking late.
GREAT

Been smoking a lot lately and as you know, that fact has it's pros and cons.
One significant pro: I've picked up this seemingly innate ability to read people.
Of course this in turn has much to do with a significant con: hating people.
C'est la vie.

I want to get a tattoo on the top of my wrist.
No idea what.
But that's most definitely a summer goal.
Maybe as a graduation present.

ok...

"[SAN FRAAAANCISCO], my heart's devotion"

I am beyond ready. I hadn't even realized that I failed to mention anything to my sister about "The City by the Bay/Fog City/The Gay Bay," lol, until she drunkenly expressed the sadness derived from thinking of my imminent departure. She doesn't think it's best that I move into an apartment right away. Part of me agrees, but it's a complicated situation. It may very well be good to just live on campus first semester.. I can get a feel for the city, and be able to show my future roomates around, and be able to find a good job. idk idk idk.
We all need to talk about it.

It's so fucking beautiful out today.

Summer is going to be so much fun!
Being an art teacher for kids k-6.
"Arts in a Garden"
My art teacher lives on like a couple acres of land (garden).
It's set up to look like alice in wonderland.
Like.... it has the tea party scene and everything.
Such an inspirational environment.
So yeah, i'm doing that, then probably taking a week vacation to Falmouth.
Beach Trips/Parties with Esh and Claudia, complete with bacardi and coldcuts.
soooo good. Then the trip to Dairy Queen afterwards.
WORD.

A bit, thank goodness.


My new favorite song to sing is "Can you feel the love tonight."
Elton songs are my perfect range.
I really shouldn't be smoking a week after surgery.


So I got my first Financial Aid packet. Almost 20,000 for my 40,000 dollar school.
Downer... My portfolio was lost in the mail, so I didn't receive an artistic Scholarship. FUCK.
I'm PRAYING I get the same package for SVA. If that's the case, I'm Manhattan bound next fall.
Orientation is August 31st, first day of school is the 8th! Christ.
I also think my San Francisco Art Institute App was lost in the mail.
It's a two week admission decision and I sent it in February 14th. Bummer.

So I was thinking about paying for college and things aren't looking as bad as I originally intended.
In a perfect world, I'd receive the same Aid for SVA, another 40,000 dollar school.
So, let's say that's all I get.. That leaves 20,000 dollars a year (including room and board and shit).
I completely forgot that they are selling my grandmothers house.
It's on Shelter Island, prime location... We're expecting a good deal of money for the house.
Oh and did I fail to mention that the money from the house is split 5 ways?
Me, Blaize, Kirstin, and my cousins Brian and Allison.
I'm gonna be able to pay for college! My 80,000 dollar debt (4 years) will be paid for!

Again, this is a perfect world I'm dreaming in right now.
I'm getting excited for college.
Really, really excited.

Ohhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't remember if I mentioned this in a previous entry... but MassArt is a state school.
If I get in... I get in-state tuition. 9,000 for a 40,000 (out of state) school!
Crossin' my fingers.

FUCK YOU

I am beyond upset, disappointed, sad, everything.
I am so weak.
So young.
Dumb.
fuck
.

"I've been....
Smiling... with anchors on my shoulders
And I’ve been dying, dying, dying
Ohhhhhhh... to let them go"

The title of the song should give you a clue...

LMFAO

4 Stool softeners, 4 ex lax, and one bowl of insta-shit cereal later and still no bowel movement.
LMFAO... ooookaaaayyyyyuhhhhhhh

I haven't shit in like 3 days.
This fucking medicine, man.
It's kicking my ass.

Drugged up on Codeine the other day, I said the word "POLO" aloud, literally 200 times.
Damn my fucking throat hurts.

Anna and my father are so ignorant.
They are willing to pay for refills of the fucking pain killer, but not the anti-biotic.
I can feel the infection spreading, and it makes me cry.

No ones listening.



whatever.



I got into Savannah College of Art and Design last month, and just yesterday got into School of Visual Arts.
SVA was the first college I ever visited. I fell in love that year. It's so fun. Every single door is purple.
I love the classrooms, and the inspirational environment of art schools in general. It's in the heart of the city.
It's so fun. It's so expensive. I didn't have time to send in my scholarship supplement for that school. You needed to have sent in slides of your portfolio, and that shit takes a week or so. Hi, my name is Elliott, I procrastinate.


I have yet to hear back from San Francisco Art Institute, Rhode Island School of Design, or Massachusetts College of Art and Design. I'm expecting to get into San Fran. As for MassArt, and RISD... I feel like I'm talented enough to get in... but my portfolio doesn't demonstrate hard work. Kids usually spend a significant chunk of time working on their portfolio.. That wasn't true in my case. And the Drawings for RISD.. yeah I worked my fucking balls off, but I produced all three 16x20's in like 12 hours. Thats how long collectively it usually takes to make one.

It's my fault, but it's not worst case scenario.

SVA is a kick ass school.
I'm looking forward to city life.
HOLY CUNT.
Ok maybe not.. reality check.
I take that back. I am not looking forward to it.
I mean I am..
but that's scary!

I'm not going to know ANYONE.
yikes.
I really want Boston (MassArt).
I really want Providence (RISD).
They'd make me feel soo good about myself, and both Boston and Prov. are less hostile.
lol

FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck



oh..
p fucking s

I feel like Cass, Laura, Lauren, even katie and alex and all you graduated so long ago.
It's so weird that I am FINALLY here.
3 months.


"September
As far as she remember, they don't teach humility
And just because her only signal is mayday
Don't it mean a thing"

LOL

Ok so I was beyond fucked up after overdosing on Tylenol with Codeine last night.
I literally thought I was dreaming when Cassidy told me she got me a ticket to see No Doubt!
Uhm....... Not only will it be my first concert..... But it is the concert of the band who in my opinion produced the BEST album ever. TRAGIC KINGDOM.
That shit is my childhood. This is the best graduation gift.
It's literally 7 days before I graduate... Beautiful.
I don't know if you knew how much this was gonna mean to me.. but It means SOO FUCKING MUCH!
You and me baby!
My first Concert!
I want to be hooked onto you the entire night.
We're gonna go skanking! OMG

I really really really miss having someone to talk to on the phone every night.
Like, someone to talk to until I sleep.

Just a thought.......

Can I get a what what?

cancer. cancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancercancer

ok soooooo.... I'll be seeing Spring Awakening for the third time tonight!!!!
I am beyond excited.
I just know that they'll all be doing their absolute best because it is their LAST saturday performance!!!
fucking A

Ok, I really wish I had done this last night.
But whatever, here we go.
Me and Cass watched Degrassi until about 5:30 in the morning.
We went into the basement to go to bed, when Elysha called crying.
Cass went upstairs and talked to her, as I lay back on the bed, with Andy standing on my chest.
He sat looking at me for minutes.
I would close my eyes, as a tactic to get him to stop staring at me.
I stared back.
Do you know how like.. when you stare at shit for a long time it starts to look different..
or how if you say something over and over again, it's as if you're saying it wrong?
Well as I stared at Andy, he started to look like a fucking human. He had like cheekbones, and his eyes were like.. idk whatever.
So there we were staring at each other, when he got up... as if to like leave.
And i remember distinctly a feeling like the one I had felt this summer.
Like someone had gotten me to like fall for them... then just like ditched..
And that's what i felt for like those three seconds when Andy started walking away..
Then he stopped. He sat with his chest near my face, and i couldnt help but think it was to like admire hime. you know? Like get me to like him.
OK I KNOW THIS SOUNDS FUCKING RIDICULOUS BUT WTF.
Ok so then I fell asleep. And I could feel myself falling asleep.
There were these like... waves of blood in my brain, and with each wave, I fell more and more asleeep.
Then when I was finally asleep I was on a bus with my class. It was dark out. You can't see anything outside of the windows, but you can make out everything on the inside of the bus, due to the red circle lights that covered the walls. Though you could make everything out.. it was still really dark ok? like you could JUST see things. though no details kind of..
ok so then in my dream I fell asleep. I dreamed of being in a horse drawn carriage.. one like in cinderella where there is like a little cab.. covered you know? Ok so i was like getting fucked in the cab... and on the street were like people looking at us.. It was like a parade or something, and people were watching on the sidewalks.. I remember feeling really embarassed, then accepting it because I knew they werent looking at me.. they were looking at the man fucking me. He was like a well known figure or something. So picture me on all fours, lol, getting fucked and like moaning.. well that dream slowly disappeared and I was back on the bus, though still moaning.. i hadn't realized that I had been moaning outloud. Someone had pointed me out, and i looked up the aisle, and slowly everyone else peeked there heads back at me... and i was still moaning, then this boy justin, was lying on the floor beneath me, and I fell to the floor almost on top of him... and he like was shaking his head back and forth really fucking fast... (picture like recording someone shaking their head "no" then fast forwarding it) and he was saying what are you doing? then my moans turned into ONE high pitched scream..
It was like I was puking.. like it hurt kind of, and I couldnt help it you know? and then my eyes crossed. It was like i was having a seizure or something.. then I woke up.


I feel like Andy definitely controlled my dream... and He was the one fucking me.

So after this whole experience cass came back downstairs and I told her.. and i was like really afraid to tell her about the whole andy thing.. I could feel him like watching me and he didnt want me to tell her. but I did. Dude this was so fucked up!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so I've come to terms with going to school for photography.
I know I'm good... but I feel like I'm a one trick monkey.
I can find clothes that look good together, put makeup on my model, then take a picture.
I feel like it doesn't require any talent. IDK.
I'm so pissed off at myself for not being one of those people that ALWAYS have their camera on them.
If I'm so passionate, why didn't I?
I felt like it would look like I was trying really hard, you know?
Like kelsey. She's such a poser. She takes pictures of everything, everyone, every fucking second of the day, and nothing turns out good.
I guess that's another reason I don't bring my camera around everywhere.
I NEVER take as many pictures as I can in order to get a good one.
I do a lot of thinking before a start to click away, so I KNOW I will get a good one.
I really don't want to go to FIT, but it's going to be the only place I can afford.
ehhhhh FUCK IT.

"Dust yourself off and try again."